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Link, The Mario Brothers, Fox, Donkey Kong, and maybe Kirby, though the jury is still out on whether that sexless puffball fits into any definable gender speaking of which, is Kirby a progressive, gender-transcendent icon?

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So, imagine Bowser were to get his hands on this crown, thus becoming sexythere you have Bowsette.

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So who is Bowsette, and why does this whole thing make me feel like flinging myself off of the Rainbow Road to drift in quiet serenity forever?

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If, after all this, you still want to play New Super Mario Bros.